What does that even mean?
To me it use to mean:
Hi, I'm outgoing and occasionally do things others typically don't because they have self respect.
Well.
To me it now means:
Packing up and moving across the country, not knowing one single soul, within less than a weeks notice.
Tuesday, May 22nd-Friday, May 25th:
At the beginning of packing, I was calm and collected.
-I had been to New York a couple times before on vacation- so that made me an expert.
-I'm great at making friends, so I won't be lonely.
-Kids love me, so being a full time, live-in nanny will be a walk in the park.
-I'm not scared.
Little did I know as I nonchalantly did my 'draft' for what I was going to
These days also consisted of more questions, expressed concerns and self defense lessons from my parents. Like I said, they really really really love me.
Saturday, May 26th:
I woke up sick to my stomach.
Was I REALLY leaving tomorrow?
Although I tried hiding it, I was T E R R I F I E D.
The entire day I was in a weird state of mind.
I was excited.
I was sad.
I was anxious.
I was nervous.
I was happy.
I was scared to the bone.
My mom put together a little family 'going away' party for me which included a BBQ aka: tons of food and people I love.
Everyone was asking how I was feeling. Naturally.
You can see from just a little list of how I was feeling that it was a little difficult to respond to that.
But I didn't want anyone to know how scared I was.
I could hardly eat.
That's when you know, people! That's when you know something is wrong!
I am so attached to my family and even though I'm making it sound like I was leaving for a 6-year trip to Afghanistan on the front lines of war- It was hard seeing them knowing that tomorrow I was not just leaving them, but I was leaving them and going really far away. To a place I didn't really know. To a place where I didn't know anyone. To ultimately live with strangers.
Sunday, May 27th:
Today was the day.
Today I was doing something truly spontaneous.
Was I ready?
Didn't matter now.
As I gathered my completely, overpacked suitcases, travel goodies (an absolute need), my backpack and travel blankie (another necessity), I turned off my bedroom light and headed downstairs.
My house was pretty silent.
My parents were waiting downstairs and I was practically shaking- even though I tried to look like I was such an adult.
We said a prayer. Packed the car. and off we were to the airport. But not before my dad handed me two papers stapled together that included addresses and phone numbers of church leaders that would live near me and other tips and advice he had found on the internet about being a nanny in New York. My dad really is the man. And although I acted like I was annoyed, I mean I got this, right? wrong. It made me feel a little more at ease and I am very grateful for his protection.
The moment we pulled away from my driveway, tears started
My dad turned down the radio.
Here comes the speech...
I won't go into detail about what said, but basically it included tips on how to spot a predator, how to not get mugged and basically how to survive any type of attack that might even be slightly impossible to physically occur to me.
Nonetheless, I was still grateful and listened patiently.
He had very detailed instructions of what I was suppose to do when I arrived at the airport and before I was to get into a car with the people (aka my employers) that were going to pick me up. The directions may or may not have included taking a picture of the license plate and sending it to him with a description of the car before I got in.
Oh yes. I can see it now:
"Hello new boses. Let me make a great impression really fast and take a picture of your license plate and send it to my dad so he can stalk us from some sort of creepy, satellite program he probably installed on his computer to track our every move before I can get in.."
Totally happening.
Although that direction was a little far fetched, I was grateful knowing that I had such a loving father who cared for me so much. I told you, he straight up secretly works for the C.I.A.
Before I knew it, we were at the airport.
I wiped away the tears and grabbed my things.
My dad waited in the car and my mom decided she wanted to walk me in and help me check-in.
Good thing she did, because my bags may or may not have both been overweight, causing me to do some much important contemplation in deciding what to let her take back home with her.
I guess I didn't really need 7 pairs of wedges, right?
Yeah. 6 should be enough.
Anyways, so after that fiasco, I was checked in and the only thing left was to.... wait! where's my travel blankie?? It was still in the truck! Great.
Like I said, that was a necessity.
So we headed back outside the airport where my dad pulled up.
He totally thought I had backed out. PSSYYCCHH. I need my blankie.
Priorities, people!
So after saying another goodbye to my dad, it was time to say goodbye to my best friend.
Mommy dearest.
(The thought of that moment is actually making me sick thinking about it, even two months later... Going to war in Afghanistan or just moving away for the summer- saying goodbye to my mom has and always will be the hardest thing I do)
She had already started crying and I knew I was a goner.
I squeezed her as hard as I could.
What if something really DOES happen to me and I never see her again??
My dad's lectures were really starting to set in.
It was as dramatic as I'm making it sound. Gag if you want. But this is raw emotion right here.
Eventually I had to peel myself off of her and just walk away.
By the time I got to security- I was a MESS.
I'm pretty sure every security guard had their eye on me and even the person who checked my boarding pass and I.D. looked at it a couple times while looking back up at my swollen, wet eyeballs.
Yes lady, I'm not dying.
No lady, I'm not loaded with explosives.
Yes lady, I just miss my mom.
Once I got on the plane, I sat down, threw my travel blankie over me (yes, it deserves this much attention), and laid my head against the window.
"Good Morning passengers of Flight 176- Direct flight to New York City. Please sit with your seatbelt fastened and chairs in their up right position for take off"
This was it.
No turning back now...
Time to be Spontaneous.
Bring. It. On.
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